15 October 2006

Oliver Stone and World Trade Center

What's past is prologue, what to come, in yours and my discharge. -- Shakespeare

The Oliver Stone film World Trade Center created a flurry of powerful emotions that can't easily be captured by words. I pride myself on being able to depict complex emotional landscapes with my writing, but after seeing this film on its opening weekend in Korea, I am almost unable to talk or write about the incredible wellspring of emotions. I couldn't speak for about ten minutes after the film. As I decended the stairs from the the cinema, I had to actively concentrate on the mundane to keep from breaking out into tears.

Oliver Stone ripped my soul from my very person and forced me to confront demons that have haunted me for too long. The depiction of the struggle of two Port Authority policemen to survive being buried alive within the rubble of the towers' collapse and the associated struggle of their families was almost too much for me to handle. I've been in some rough places and trying times -- for a movie to push me to the brink is spectacular. I kept thinking about my life thus far and the joy of families and how alone I sometimes feel. I kept thinking about my friends from the military and how I might have been a better soldier. I kept thinking about things like honor, courage and commitment. I kept thinking about the things I could do better, the contributions I haven't made, the stories I haven't told.

I felt like a coward. I feel like a coward. I feel like I have something to prove to myself. I feel like I owe my country and those around me more than I've given. I feel like I've failed as a person. I have failed.

Now, quite simply I have a renewed obligation. To do something. Perhaps it will be through writing -- perhaps it's time to create a visceral gut punch of my own.
A good movie is a mirror. Sometimes you don't like what is revealed, but the truth is true and the reflections of oneself represent the reality of one's failings and successes, without predudice.

Now go. Do something. Stop sitting there.

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